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Reasons we ended

I suppose we did it to ourselves Kara and I, and were doomed to end. The first reason is that we are nine years apart. I’m in my early thirties and she’s in her early twenties, she needs to go out shake her booty have some random sex drink until she pukes, just have some good old fashioned fun without having to be tied up to someone who though he likes to go out and have it’s not as important anymore. As you get older your priorities slightly change due to circumstance and responsibilities. Things that she just doesn’t need right now. Maybe when she gets to her mid to late twenties she will understand.

The second reason is that we kept changing the status of our relationship every four to six months from monogamous to non-monogamous which did get frustrating at times for the both of us because though the idea was appealing neither one of us could stand the thought of one of us doing anything with someone else. Hence many tears and angry words when one of his may have acted on impulse during those open months.

The third reason is when she started saying someday we will be together, I never knew how to take that. Someday could mean anything from a month to a year, to forever. Again, she wanted to be with me but she also wanted to be carefree which maybe she felt like she couldn’t do in a traditional relationship.

The fourth is we started using negative jokes about one another when other people were around pointing out the flaws instead of the pros. Soon that spilt over into our private lives which could then lead to an argument.

The fifth is that we both come from dysfunctional and emotionally shipwrecked homes. I know I have my fair of issues due to how I was raised.

The seventh is that we just stopped really communicating which lead to her always being frustrated with me and putting her fist to my face ready to strike and me telling her that I regretted ever meeting her and the last four years have been a complete waste of time. Of course I didn’t mean it but she wanted to physically beat so I was words to beat her which is a trait I got from my family. Something I wish I never said and wish I could take it back. People say and do stupid things when they are angry things they regret. I wish I could undue it but the rearview mirror is always clear ounce you passed something. I hate the fact that I said that, I wish she knew how much I hated what I said. I have asked for her forgiveness but all I get is the silent treatment and I don’t blame her.

We had a great relationship one that I will always keep in my heart. She was, is, and will always be my first true love and maybe my only love because she’s still the only one I want, the only one I am willing to grow old with. We shared a bond and a fire that will never be duplicated or replaced. If she called me today or even ten years from now I know I would run to her wherever she may be.

I fell in love with her the day we met, I was madly in love with her for four wonderful years and I am still madly in love with her and will be until the day I breathe my last sigh of life.

I often like to think that this is our “Lost Weekend” phase and in a year or two we will hook up and pick up right where we left off. This might not be the best way of looking at it but it seems to stop the pain that I feel when I miss being with her.

Even if she never comes back to me I will be happy knowing that she is happy and having a good life. She’s everything to me and I want my everything to be treated like the Queen Jewel that she is.

On that note I will end this chapter of my life and forge ahead into the next chapter. Whatever will be will be it’s not for us to see as Doris Day ounce sang.

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