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Lost entries

As I sat at the car dealership reading The wise mind of Haile Selassie, I kept thinking of Kara and how it’s strange that I miss her when she is gone but when she is near I sometimes get frustrated with her and myself. Sometimes I even feel suffocated but I still care about her.
As luck would have it she called me later that day around 5:30 or so all excited about coming home with lots of fun filled stories and a tale of the future us personified in an old couple she met. Which made me smile,even laugh a little. I can’t wait for her to come home and tell me her tales and see were the path leads us. Though I am sure it will be as unconventional as our path has been up to this point.
As John Lennon ounce said:”As usual,there is a great women behind every idiot”. Yes,in many ways I am an idiot and she is a great woman,even though I am not sure if she realizes it yet.
I also find that I drink a lot more beer and soda when she is not around. I’m not sure why or even if the two are related. I’m sure they are in someway.

Tomorrow my parents are getting married after 25 years, its about time lol. In some ways my parents are the example of what not to do but in some ways they are an example of what to do. Through the years, and the heaps of dysfunction they truly love one another and will be together until they part from this place we happen to call Earth.
Being married,getting married still scares me in some ways. But, I hope I am as lucky as they have been to at least find that love that never dies. Sept 6,2010

A thought
I can see myself settling down and being a good and faithful husband but the thought of living with someone in some ways excited me and in other ways Scares me all at ounce. Only because I do enjoy my down time. Also, I know that the other person I have mind wants to have the illusion of freedom even if it is not so. How would this work? I am not sure. I too enjoy being free to pursue my own little world and being a musician and a writer I enjoy being by myself more than most people do. Sometimes hours and days will go by before I even desire to be near anyone. The creative process and my philosophical process (if we call it that) often takes long drawn out time which now I am being able to get balance time of me and the person or people I wish to be around.
This week of lone time has opened my eyes to a few new insights. That I enjoy looking being around this certain person more that I suspected and that I could happily spend my life with this person but the time just isn’t now. Tragic but true like one of those girly books you see on the bookshelf. Anyhew I will muddle this in my mind for a few more moments.Just finding the balance so we can both be happy all the time is the key. Sept 3, 2010

Missing Kara
It has only been a few days but I miss Kara like crazy. She is my best friend and my closest companion. I thought it would be easy to be without her presence but it seems more difficult than I thought it would be. Sept 1 2010

Kara: What makes you think that men are any better? A man might say that he respects a woman, but how can he truly respect any woman he can’t be honest with? Maybe your woman has tried to be as honest as she can with you, and it comes across as disrespectful, when in reality she just doesn’t know how you feel.

I don’t think men are all that better, and I can see how women can’t always know how men feel due to the fact that men are trained not to be emotional. If she is being honest then that’s all one can ask, maybe looking back I can see that. Life is just a toss up and we can only hope it all works out in the end. If not, then we must wipe the dust off of our backs and go forward.
You must keep in mind that I write from my own perspective because that’s the only way I can write. so if I seem like I’m bashing I’m not. I’m just writing as things appear to me. Hope this helps

( I’m not sure why I feel like posting this but I do, so here it is and man I sucked at writing i hope i have gotten better)

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